1. |
Fuck the Future
01:32
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You cut up all your arteries, your heart was full of ink
You spilled out onto paper just to tell me what you think
Well I kept your little letter with the edges all intact
And I leave it in a drawer for when I’m dwelling on the past
Never thought twice, who was the one really holding the knife?
Do I really want to see what’s hiding underneath?
The words under my flesh scream but nobody’s listening
Scars we always cover, we’re trained how to suffer
Receiving a beating and giving out another
And reaching for a meaning, whatever you can salvage
To build up your walls and prevent future damage
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2. |
Happy Birthday
04:12
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I said fuck the future, now I’m living in the past
Never thought I'd last long enough to face the facts
Suspending disbelief, inhaling inspiration
Wondering why I’m anxious, answering my own questions
Plunge the depths with this pen, ink bleeds under my skin
Infinity sign tattooed on my wrist
To remind me that I’m never getting out of this
Self-defeating cycle, hating everybody's happiness
I've gone nowhere slow, failing dramatically
Washed up, too old, guess someone has to be
Just goes to show some follow and some lead
Next year just know I plan on dying in the spring
Say you'll live for me, bleed for me, die for me
Next year just know I plan on dying in the spring
Made a straight line for the pharmacy and put myself to sleep
Carefully cutting flat lines
(My brain says it wants to die)
Planned out my perfect exit, never had the guts to leave
Chose to call the hotline
(I can only fight it for so long)
Carve out your tongue, I’ll lend an ear
Keep singing those same old songs nobody wants to hear
Happy thoughts kill slow like cancer, keep your head up
Maybe you'll get lucky someday, yeah, good fucking luck
I can't make it go away, death feels like the only way
Don't look back, don't be afraid, nothing matters anyway
Cross your eyes out
Clench your chest, spiraled thoughts, bated breath, can't keep up
What have I done?
Make it stop
Happy birthday to me, getting older but we're still young
Drowning in regrets like a baby in a bathtub
And hoping there's no heaven so I never have to wake
Get dressed and face the plight of another fucking day
Gone nowhere slow, and failing dramatically
Washed up, too old, I guess someone has to be
Just goes to show, some follow and others lead
Next year just know I plan on dying in the spring
Say you'll live for me, bleed for me, die for me
'Till we're old and gray and thoughts of death are comforting
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3. |
C.O.B.A.R.E.M.I.X.
04:01
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Blindfold my eyes, let's pretend this is a lie
Back and forth our bodies sway
Tethered tempting thoughts, vacate my mind
Run away, run away now
The mind holds the poison, we’ll pollute within you
Scratch the surface, itching to be left alone
Let’s try and stow it away for now
Let’s not ruin my day
Please don’t mind me sir, I’m going away
Deceitful mindsets hide the lie
Kid in the clouds, you’ve gotta fight it
Or maybe you can just get by hiding it
Deceitful mind, you’re full of it
I’m taking my anger out on the living room couch
And the latex makes me think of the favor
Lick the paper, send me away
Stamp the anger, I’m on my way
Now run, go your own way
Get away
I'm done finding mistakes too late
I’m taking my anger out on the living room couch
Lying on my back, trying to lose track
Of where I am now without finding out how
I’ve done the math and the sums don’t match
Re-release expertise
I made the wall, I will not call
Stress relief expertise
I made the wall, hoping I’d fall
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4. |
Big Gas Pack
04:50
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I'd give anything to feel that way again, it's all pretend
Nervous virgin skin, natural infatuation
These things used to excite me, now it's just an addiction
Detached lifeless sex, sick dopamine injection
Dream of you clean and sober, highs fade and lows get lower
We’re dope sick on the floor, I felt your heart beat slower
You said you’re fine with dying by my side
I wish I could say I feel the same
Your pheromones are drawing me in
Young and full, but now I am jaded
That foul pink is the worst thing I’ve tasted
We’re hiding beneath a sweet wet sin
Laughing off the long and awaited
Ending on everything I hated
And as I’m pulled into your perfume dream
The feelings fade under the silken sheets
Is this what we wanted to grow up to be?
(Is this all some kind of joke to you?)
Ten years in and we’re getting desperate
Your good intentions are weighing me down
We’re full of plans but we’re empty handed
Your good intentions are weighing me down
Is this all some kind of joke to you?
I’m not who I wanted to be
She didn't even come to see my band,
now I'm the stranger in the old white van
Your parents said that you should never trust,
I guess that all we have to fear is lust
He didn’t even come to see my band,
and I don't really have a 5 year plan
Is this all that it takes to make them swoon?
Would you possibly wanna fuck sometime soon?
Ha! Good one!
If the Earth laughs with flowers we seem to be wilting away
Just disgusting fucking lusting for you now
I'll conform, I can fill any void that you need
Just disgusting fucking lusting for you now
Tension forming, come and fill your void with me
Razorblade bracelets
Blood in the blanket
One foot in the grave, one stuck in the pavement
Watching the world pulled up in the gravity
Leave me behind clawing up at the sky to breathe
If this is all a joke I'm not feeling inclined to laugh it off
Pink cloudy head, never getting where I would like myself to be
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5. |
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I don't want to die
Not here, not now, in this hospital bed
Stay here by my side
So much harder to let go of the thread
Never losing hope
Hospice walls talk, coax me into sleeping
Never letting go
Weaving my thoughts, close my eyes and agree
Licking my wounds ‘till my blood’s running grey
This world is not your friend, mind is begging for the end
Getting harder to pretend, body's giving up again
In spirit we're connected and skipping through the stations
To witness the menagerie of our own creation
I'm fragile on the inside, time only knows my weakness
I'm lured to the bitter end with promises of sweetness
My body is a vessel from consciousness to death
Manifesting over decades and lifeless in a second
Kill ourselves in rapture, get to heaven faster
You're sick and it cures you, you're not and it makes you
The fear in your brain and the places it takes you
Not what you're thinking, never that easy
Exit’s an entrance, never escaping
Depression suppressing, you're not addressing
The fear in your brain that you're never expressing
Festers inside you, happily guides you
Paths of destruction, cruel world provides you
Do not trust a soul in this world
Live your precious life, keep this problem quiet
Share love like a well, keep your pain to yourself
(I don't want to die alone)
Live your precious life, keep this problem quiet
Share love like a well, then fucking drown yourself
Don't wanna know
(Desperate to feel anything at all)
What happens when I stop breathing?
What happens when my heart stops beating?
If I lose myself completely
Don't wanna know, never
Oh mighty landlord, evict me from this body
All the sand falling downward, the pain branching outward, accepting and regretting
I don't want to die
Stay here by my side
Never losing hope
Never letting go
Everybody suffers alone in the end
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6. |
Damaged
06:00
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Am I losing control again?
I think I suffer ‘cause I think too much
Too scared to face my final failure, debate if I’m to blame
Sometimes I let this heavy heart drag me down
(Arrogant temperament, you’re so jaded)
The will to live, the strength I can’t find, wouldn’t it be lovely just to die?
(Self destruct and bury love with hesitation)
The way I feel, the words escape me, my psyche takes the beating
There’s a silence becoming me as I’m spiraling down
Father, I’ve come to know your pain
I am a surrogate for your anguish
And time passed, you laid yourself to waste
I can’t pardon your language
Hate my love for you
Adjusted to the casual abuse, we’re lost without it
Your hands around my throat,
grasping, painful cry for help
Dreaming of cutting my veins out,
Wrap my corpse in the sheets
I hate my love for you, hurts more than you’d imagine
(I don’t deserve this)
I hate my love for you, and we were only starting to atone
Damaged, but I love you still
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7. |
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Hold up, you can't go out the front door alone
Speak with nothing to say
Please don’t leave this home alone
A lone prey, painting you grey
A sidewalk with a face and footsteps etching out what happens next
If I may, I’ll slip into your mind and paint the fear inside of you
Under the bed, or in the basement
Filling the spaces and blurring the faces
The feelings spread, taking you places, beginning to feel like the end
Never waking up
Your mind is merciless and meant to break your trust
Sweet sanguine sertraline dreams
No relief found at the end of the tragedy
Contemplate dying, take a pill and go back to sleep
Yeah, go to sleep
Stare through the glass, and pick out your favorite
My fears have been calling so I’ll entertain them
Surrounding the house, the framework’s collapsing
Never sustainable, always relapsing
I’m tired of living, I’m terrified of leaving
Anxiety swells as the medicine’s screaming
“Hold up, you can’t go out the front door alone”
Administered love, self destructive embraces
Retracing my footsteps in circular paces
When you break down my door and I’m drinking alone
Automatic apologies are climbing up my throat
With that poisonous rain, it just pours, and I pour
‘Till my head is a cloud crying back onto the floor
Wake up, how did I ever make it back here alive?
Still have nothing to say for myself at all, just whatever it takes to escape
A lone prey, painting you grey
I am the predator eating myself alive like a snake
The jaws expand around me, sink deep, taste the blood while my vision’s blacking out
Go to sleep
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8. |
Robit Rampage
04:15
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What am I supposed to say?
Maybe this will take away the pain
Or will it stay? (Will it stay forever?)
You played it off with pretty words
And looking back, it all feels like a blur
You struck a nerve (What happens now?)
Reflect the glass and take me to the past
I’ll wire myself right this time
Bullshit accusations
Gaps in fabrications
Bullshit conversations
Filling in the spaces
Bullshit accusations
Broken bleeding faces
Bullshit conversations
Test my fucking patience
Panic attack
I think that he’s just overreacting
Pills to relax
I’m not him, I’ll never be
Panic attack
I think that he’s just overreacting
Try to relax
I don’t get why
As you stand there in front of me, your eyes are absent
And I felt my heart stop dead
I felt my heart stop dead
As you stand there in front of me, your eyes are absent
And with every word you said, I felt my heart stop dead
Burn down the bridge, save all you can, make it out
And they’ll carve their own way
And expect us to follow
But don’t expect me to stay
Don’t expect me to swallow the bullshit you’re feeding me
You can’t expect me to swallow the poison you’re feeding me
I’ll die if I swallow, my body will hollow
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9. |
For Tadjo (I’m Pathetic)
03:12
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Walking aimlessly with you
You said “don’t forget this feeling”
I'll be out of town for work soon, and you’ll be at home sleeping
Nothing much to dream about, nothing like we imagined
Drove out 20 hours, played a show for 3 kids, made 65 bucks divided by 7
‘Cause I’m pathetic, I’m alright
Yeah I’m a failure, wasting life
What are the odds we make it home alive this time?
(And every time I try to claw my way out, you pull the string around my ankles back down,
treading the water, raining harder now, so stick around, watch me drown)
It’s not a mistake if you make it twice
It's worth the pain if it gets you high
I’m not arrogant, I hate my life
I’m pathetic, you were right
Smoke ‘till there’s no air, drink until I don’t care
Can’t fear the future if I never get there
Pull out my teeth in a fever dream
I sing suicide notes disguised as poetry
Nothing you can do to save me now
I picked the derelict bridge but keep looking down
Because I know I’ll never make it but I'll still be proud
So just stick around, watch me drown
Broken bridge, falling down
Hold your breath, let it out
Heavy rain, harder now
Stick around, watch me drown
Pull the string, drag me down
Broken wrists, reaching out
Surface getting farther now
Stick around, watch me drown
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10. |
In Case You’re Lonely
03:33
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I haven’t felt for a long time
I’d take my life but it’s not mine
I’ll sift through this gallery of photographs and memories
And desperately search for an answer
And I hate the way you look through me
Here’s full transparency; I hate myself more than I loved you
And every time you tried to help I wished that I was someone else
I hate myself more than I loved you
Turn around, you tower me, shadowing my everything
If that’s what you want then it’s alright
And I’ll smoke all of the pain away until you think that I’m okay
If that’s your grand scheme then it’s alright
I’ll dig a hole until my arms go numb, watch the earth pile up
If that’s what you want then it’s alright
You’re forgetting me, our memories are worthless things you’ll never need
‘Cause that’s what you want and it’s alright
If that’s what you want then that’s fine
You notice every move I make
Watching closing for the moment that I break
Into flaws like fragments I can’t mend
Pick myself apart until there’s nothing left
There’s something about me I can’t help
I’m mint condition in the box right on your shelf
But you won’t take me out and hold me
I’m just there in case you’re lonely
(I’ve been accused, I’ve been accosted, I was amused, now I’m exhausted)
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11. |
Tomorrow
06:50
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Strangers now, but we’ve always been
You never knew me
Not at all, maybe slight, not completely
I’m not selfless, I know that well, could you see the guilt inside me?
Your tired eyes begged for death
(Can’t imagine the fear)
Could barely move or turn your head
(Never thought I’d end up here)
Tomorrow will be a better day, tomorrow you’ll feel better
Fucked up now like we’ve always been
I was an anxious little boy
Spinning drunk, in your bedroom, beside you
I was reckless, I still am now, could you see yourself inside me?
I see the light approaching now
(Can’t imagine the fear)
Intangible and blaring sounds
(Never thought I’d end up here)
And all I’ve done in my life is wonder when it ends
Could never shake the feeling away
Tomorrow will be a better day, tomorrow you’ll feel better, I swear
I’ll try my best to shine when you can’t make light of this situation
I’ll pick up all the pieces when your heart is broken down
(Try my best to shine down for you)
I went to Williams, but I didn’t bring your ashes like you asked
and I still bite my fingers, and I still have that awkward nervous laugh
and you live on in your family’s pain, that empty chair on the holidays,
in your convictions and your shame, in broken picture frames
Tomorrow will be a better day, tomorrow you’ll feel better
(Steady my hand and smear my blood on the canvas,
Swallow the pain until I can’t fucking stand it,
fall through the cracks with everything I’ve been handed,
bury emotions to prevent future damage)
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Not Nearly Phoenix, Arizona
Arizona Post-Hardcore/Emo with Math chunks and Prog Rock swirls.
Coba - Bass, Vox
Tanner - Guitar
Johnny - Guitar, Vox
Ben - Drums
Streaming and Download help
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